ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
