when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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