well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My liver just had a heart attack.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
