i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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