I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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