Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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