Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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