just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
