I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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