I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
