Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
