I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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