All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
