I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
