"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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