STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
