no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize