hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
