Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
