i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize