Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need moral support for this bender
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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