how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
