end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
