I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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