i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
