Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
