I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
