Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
