woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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