I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
