would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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