Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They took my balls.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
