I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
