That's intense
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
