I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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