i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
