Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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