It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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