My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize