I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
