is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
