David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone signed my nipple.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize