I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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