My hand turned me down
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize