he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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