There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
