Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize