Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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