I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
