a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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