He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
