I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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