ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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