I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do vagina's smell?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize