I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
