So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize