is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The air taste purple.
Randomize
