Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
