Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
