I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
