This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
