eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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