If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
