Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
