Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize