I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
