C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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