She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
