He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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