Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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