he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
