in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
