btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
