when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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