Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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