I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
