The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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