My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
