kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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