the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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