So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
