Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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