I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
