Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
