is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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