This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
