I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
