you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
